it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
