my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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