Your favorite bartender is back from prision
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
