problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
