3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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