wakey wakey hands off snakey
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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