So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
