My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
