he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
