Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
