theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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