I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
