i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Blood and glitter go together right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
