Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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