So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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