Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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