alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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