i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
