I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
