I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
