You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
