in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
