I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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