i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
