..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
