i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
