He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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