Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Every concussion has its silver lining
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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