I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
