you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
