if i died would you start the facebook group?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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