I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
