a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
