I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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