Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
