I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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