Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
