When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
