she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
