Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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