look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
