This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
