if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
