she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
