I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
