i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
