i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
