I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
