Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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