Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
