so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
