I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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