I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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