Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
nutella sex= disaster
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
