I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
