So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
