Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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