Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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